Upside Down

I’m annoyed by the word leader.

Bizarrely enough, I’m not annoyed by the words pastor and director.

But leader? Yeah, that gets me. In the whole Bible (according to the NIV), the word leader is only referenced 204 times. In the New Testament, it’s mentioned 14 times. Of that, only three of those references appear in the Gospels – and even then, the leadership referred to are the folks who want to kill Jesus or at least are pretty dang cowardly to admit their faith in Him.

So why do we talk about leadership so often?

I guess because leadership is a fun place to be. It appeals to so many people. Leaders set the vision for the future; they chart the course. Leaders take risks and dive in. Leaders invite people to imagine what could be.

Sometimes, however, I fear they fail to see what actually is.

The church – the body of Christ, as Paul calls it – should function differently than any other place. What company or organization do you know who functions like this:

1 Corinthians 12

The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized byone Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.

Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

 I don’t know an organization that behaves like this. I’m not actually sure I know a church that behaves like this.

Ugh, it gives me a headache. And a heartache.

But I want to get there. I want to be the kind of church that celebrates the different parts of the body equally. I want us to treat each other with equality, with respect, considering no part better than another.

I don’t want to be the kind of church who considers that attending an extra meeting during the week entitles you to a 2-week longer sabbatical. I don’t want to be the kind of church that subtly keeps others down. Something in that stinks of evil.

I wnat to be the kind of church that celebrates each other, that constantly asks the other parts how they’re doing for – between all parts, there is mutual trust, mutual openness, mutual care and mutual love. Is it possible?

Here’s what I long for, in the words of Henri Nouwen:

It is compassionate authority that empowers, encourages, calls forth hidden gifts, and enables great things to happen. True spiritual authority is located in the point of an upside-down triangle, supporting and holding into the light everyone they offer their leadership to.

to what end?

i don’t know if i’ve mentioned it lately (okay, so, it’s been a year since i’ve mentioned anything at all on this blog), but my job has expanded into the communications world at church. i’m digging it, loving the people i get to work with, enjoying the creativity of the work. it affords me an opportunity to speak into and influence things that matter to me. but the question that i think about more than any other in this new role is proving to be, “to what end?”

to what end do we create a newsletter encouraging people to get involved? to what end are we promoting X event? to what end are we asking people to serve?

i’m going through a great book with a friend and found this excerpt from c.s. lewis particularly refreshing:

It is easy to think that the Church has a lot of different objects – education, building, missions, holding services. Just as it is easy to think the State has a lot of different objects – military, political, economic, and what not. But in a way things are much simpler than that. The State exists simply to promote and to protect the ordinary happiness of human beings in this life. A husband and wife chatting over a fire, a couple of friends having a game of darts in a pub, a man reading a book in his own room or digging in his own garden – that is what the State is there for. And unless they are helping to increase and prolong and protect such moments, all the laws, parliaments, armies, courts, police, economics, etc., are simply a waste of time. In the same way the Church exists for nothing else but to draw men into Christ, to make them little Christs. If they are not doing that, all the cathedrals, clergy, missions, sermons, even the Bible itself, are simply a waste of time. God became Man for no other purpose. It is even doubtful, you know, whether the whole universe was created for any other purpose.

we exist to draw people into Christ. i hope what i do – and what we do as a church - contributes to that end.

stunned.

i just received my weekly e-mail from sojourners, and am appalled to read the news shared by eugene cho:

This is hard to read.  Hard to swallow.  Hard to understand … especially when it happens at a Christian university such as George Fox University in Newberg, Oregon (20 miles southwest of Portland).  From numerous respected accounts, I have only heard good things about the university, so I share this news not in any way to condemn the institution, the faculty, or the students.

Early Tuesday morning (September 23), an effigy in the likeness of Senator Barack Obama was found hanging from a tree in front of one of the school buildings.  Truly disturbing.

While we ought to genuinely celebrate the historic elements of this presidential election year which includes Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and Sarah Palin, this horrible news is another reminder that we have a long way to go. Is it simply because they are not like“me” and thus, they must be different … and thus, the other – leading to the “otherizing”, in this case, of Obama?

Rural or urban, Christian or secular, male or female, young or old, Republican or Democrat … we still have a long way to go.  We have work ahead.

you can read the rest of the story here.

it’s incredible to me that christians behave like this. it reminds me of a video i saw recently, created by granger’s executive pastor, tim stevens. the video’s goal is to illustrate how tim can “so easily find jesus in pop culture.” in the 5-minute film, tim tries to help his assistant, adam, see & hear jesus – for example, adam plugs into a ipod which is playing the song, “i kissed a girl and i liked it.” adam, stupid as he is, only hears “i kissed a girl and i liked it,” while tim is clearly keen to the spirit’s promptings and here’s the exact same song played as “i kissed jesus and i liked it.” yep. that’s one blessed guy.

anyway, that’s not even the bad theology i take issue with; my main problem with the video is when tim and adam sit down to “find jesus at the republican national convention.” adam shares with tim that he’s hasn’t watched any of it, but he did watch the DNC and didn’t see jesus. tim’s reply?

“that makes sense. he wasn’t actually there, but he’ll be at the republican convention.”

okay, so maybe the guy is joking. i mean, maybe he’s just poking fun at democrats. ha ha ha. and then i visited his website today.

ah, there it is. big deal pastor from indiana expressing his thoughts against the democratic nominees. ugh. what’s worse? him praising mccain. and on the basis of so little that’s actually fact.

i’m sure god is using granger church in great ways to reach people, but my respect for the leadership has truly plummeted. poor tim stevens. it’s just not right for him to manipulate that church’s respect for him just so he can promote his candidate. it makes me so sick.

i guess the good news for tim stevens is that he may very well get an invitation to teach at george fox university now.

monday meme

1. My uncle once, no, make that many, many times referred to me as ” the shrimp.” I’m still offended.

2. Never in my life do I imagine I’ll run a marathon.

3. When I was five I was often complimented on my handwriting and my rhythm.

4. High school was not as fun as college.

5. I will never forget walking the Great Wall, standing in Red Square, or that feeling in my stomach when Jon became more than a friend.

6. Once I met that boy from “What About Bob?” who played the kid obsessed with death. Wow.

7. There’s this guy I know that I would love to introduce to my friend Katherine.

8. Once, at a bar, my old boss encouraged me to go home with a guy who was hitting on me. Gross.

9. By noon, I’m usually wondering how much damage sitting in front of a computer all morning has done to me.

10. Last night, I came home after work pretty dang tired, so Jon took me to Culver’s and then we watched Lars and the Real Girl.

11. If only I had really paid attention to Jon 7 years ago, we could have been married for so much longer!

12. Next time I go to church … I will feel sad that I said I was “going to church” since the church isn’t a building, but a people.

13. What worries me most is worry.

14. When I turn my head left I see an espresso wood cabinet holding some of my favorite serving platters, two beautiful candlesticks I salvaged from an old building, and 4 bottles of wines in a cute little rack.

15. When I turn my head right I see my recently uber-clean kitchen which has seen quite a bit of traffic today.

16. You know I’m lying when I try to change the subject really quickly.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is my side-ponytails. I look dang-good with side-ponies.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be Beatrice from Much Ado About Nothing. Hands down.

19. By this time next year I’ll be pregnant?

20. A better name for me would be Maria.

21. I have a hard time understanding why Jesus doesn’t just come back already.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll study public policy, academic affairs, theology, counseling, rhetoric or french.

23. You know I like you if I am comfortable with our silence.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be my husband.

25. Take my advice, read a lot. then do something about it.

26. My ideal breakfast is french toast with fruit (a la uncommon ground).

27. A song I love but do not have is If I Had A Boat by Lyle Lovett.

28. If you visit my hometown, wave hello to Prince’s Paisley Palace, then head down to Excelsior to walk along Lake Minnetonka.

29. Why won’t people all get along? (Good call, Laura)

30. If you spend a night at my house, I’ll be giddy. I love overnight guests.

31. I’d stop my wedding for a life or death crisis.

32. The world could do without Hummers. (Again, Laura, good call.)

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than eat sushi for life.

34. My favorite blondie is definitely Jon – wait, blondie? I thought that said baldie. Oops.

35. Paper clips are more useful than not having paper clips.

36. If I do anything well it’s being empathetic.

37. I can’t help but laugh when Jon uses his Mexican accent when he’s being romantic.

38. I usually cry … can I just add a period there?

39. My advice to my nephew is to learn to say mom before you learn to say Uncle Jon. I guarantee your mom will appreciate it more.

40. And by the way, you’re it!

thoughts on the candidates

I don’t know how many of you caught last night’s speeches at the Democratic National Convention, but next to Montana Governor Schweitzer’s crowd-pleasing, let’s-get-ready-to-rumble u-rah-rah talk, Hillary Clinton’s speech was the highlight of the evening.

For a great perspective on the talk, check out this post from politico. com. I particularly appreciated his sentiment that all this talk of Hillary supporters giving their vote to McCain is simply “hooey.” I agree. Besides, if Hillary supporters are that fickle and care nothing about the issues, I feel there are more important things to focus on – namely, education. Have we educated our country to weigh the issues before them or have we educated our country only to act like children when they don’t get their way?

It frustrates me – first of all, there are very few significant issues on which the Democrats and the Republicans greatly differ (oh, how I long for a third party!!). Second of all, since when are we putting all of our hope in government? For crying out loud, haven’t we learned anything from the last two elections? What a message it would have sent had democrats really rallied together after the ‘00 and ‘04 elections to fight for the kind of future they had hoped the president would have moved towards. I feel like our country often acts hopeless after “their candidate” loses the presidency. Hooey. DO something.

I hope the same for this presidency. I hope Obama wins, but if he doesn’t, I think his experience and his vision are what we desperately need to encourage one another to stay in the game, to fight for we believe in, to commit ourselves to the future.

I hope this race becomes less about Obama’s race and McCain’s age and more about who best represents the dreams of and the commitment to the people of this country.

i need a hobby.

Two things: 1. I need to make friends outside of my current circle. 2. So I’ve decided to get a hobby.

I thought it could be writing, so I looked into taking a creative writing class at MATC. But it’s an adult education course, and I’m a little nervous I’d be joined by a lot of women who are interested in writing their memoirs about the 1960s. That’s not what I’m really looking for.

So I thought I could join some sort of sports team. But I don’t really want to play Ultimate Frisbee or train for a marathon. Plus, I’m not really wired to connect with people in that kind of venue.

I could pick up some language classes, but I can’t pick between French & Spanish (which one do I want to lose completely?). Plus, Jon wants to take a Spanish class, so I figured it’d be best if I waited for his schedule to open up a bit and we could do it together.

So I think I’m going to start volunteering somewhere, but I’m not sure where. I could work for the Obama campaign and meet lots of politically active folks. I could apply for some spots at the hospital, but most of them look like they’re pretty independent positions. I need some ideas. Send them quickly. I want to meet some new people.

one long, beautiful year

jon & i celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary yesterday with a 60-mile bike ride east. this, after a 60-mile bike ride west the previous day. okay, so maybe 120 miles was a little overambitious for someone like me who had biked twice before the trip. and, yes, maybe i did break down and cry twice, once at the 40-mile mark the first day, and again at the 5,6, and 7 mile markers the following day. and maybe my butt, elbows, and knees are still sore and aching for yet another dose of advil. but it was a beautiful ride. i felt like an athletic, harder core version of anne of green gables. i loved it. that bike ride put the perfect ending on the first chapter of our marriage.

of course, one hundred and twenty miles takes some time to bike, so we had plenty to opportunity to talk about all sorts of things, not the least of which was discussing some of the most important things we’ve learned this year from each other. highlights include:

• i’ve got this incredible ability to run smack into mental blocks and refuse to move beyond them; jon’s got this crazy talent of getting me over those hurdles (namely, repelling down 175-foot waterfalls, canoeing & backpacking in the boundary waters in early spring, swimming through open-air tunnels in the caribbean sea, cross-country skiing for the first time in the dark with only a head lamp and the moon to light the way).
• i get emotionally attached to nearly every idea i’ve ever heard – even if i disown it 5 minutes later, i love it fully for those 5 minutes. and jon has learned to let me have that time, and not to even try and logically disuade me from paying any attention to a bad idea. i get there eventually. it’s better for us when i have 5 minutes to determine whether the idea is worth my love or not. and i’ve learned that jon’s usually right about my ideas from the beginning.
• i love snuggling more than any other human being on the planet; jon believes there are people on the planet that love cuddling more than he does. we’ve learned that marriage is better for us when we snuggle.
• i wrestle with everything. and when i wrestle, i take on the whole sha-bang of whatever it is. jon wrestles with a lot, but he does it piece-by-piece. it’s a really good mix and makes for healthy dialogue between the two of us.
• our friendship is by far one of the very best aspects of our marriage. there is no other person that i respect as deeply or trust as completely as jon.

i love learning with him. putting into practice things we’d heard we’d have to do is finally reality. it sounds dumb, but i’ve finally discovered that he really can’t read my mind; i have to tell him that the best way to end the argument is with a hug. and he’s learned that when i tell him he can read in bed for awhile, i actually mean that he can read as long as i’m reading, but when i’m done, we’re done. in turn, i’ve learned that i have to be way less selfish. dang that kooky dr. emerson and his crazy cycle for being right after all!

in all, from our honeymoon in banff and our trip to honduras to debating where pictures should hang in our house and hosting monthly forums in our house, this has been one full & wonderful year. even if it started off with a broken foot and ended with a sore, aching butt, i really couldn’t have imagined marriage would be this dang beautiful .

gospel

we were out with a couple friends last night, having drinks at a rooftop bar and starting up at the stars when the guy we were with asked us, “how do you explain the gospel? how do you tell students what it is?” jon sighed, leaned back in his chair and said, “it’s different than what i grew up with, that’s for sure.”

today, i’m reading the tangible kingdom, and i like the way the author looks at it. here’s what he says:

“god’s gospel was and is his way of explaining the whole story. the gospel tells us why we fight with each other, why we have war, pain, suffering, and death. the gospel of jesus shows the heart of god for humanity and the depths of his love and acceptance and vision for every human being. it gives us hope in the face of injustice, hunger, and poverty, and for recovery from every vice or societal ill. it advocates for community, acceptance, fairness, forgiveness, and love of all people regardless of past mistakes, sexual orientation, or political bias. the gospel of god’s kingdom helps explain where meaning comes from and how we are to live an integrated experience in light of god’s love for his created humanity. … What was the gospel? What is the gospel? It is the tangible life of God flowing into every nook and cranny of our everyday life.”

I thought it was beautiful. I had forgotten how much I love the gospel.

daydreaming again.

I’ve been daydreaming again. In the middle of a conversation on planning an evening of prayer for our church, I followed a bunny trail out to my dream place.

I was standing on a beautiful hardwood floor, sunlight pouring in from the rays of the sun just beginning to nestle into the trees for an afternoon nap. The shades were pulled up from a row of three or four large windows, allowing a view of farm land and trees, all varying shades of fertile green. A scattering of round tables and assorted chairs filled the room, each chair tucked in quietly to its accompanying table. The breakfast and lunch rush had already come in, and the room had been cleaned in preparation for the evening’s forum.

Yep, the forum, and that was what I was talking about while on the phone with a friend, standing there on the beautiful hardwood floors, tracing the shadow cast from the lines in the window panes with my foot. Her excitement for the evening’s speaker was evident, and I laughed at her, with her, just enjoying how far we had been able to come with these evenings.

People came to these forums, these evenings of discussion & debate & learning. They came and they brought friends. They drank coffee and stayed until midnight. They had a glass of wine to work up the courage to talk to the person across the room whose thoughts and ideas in discussion stayed with them till late at night, rolling around in their minds, demanding a response … prompting them to ask themselves what it would be like to hold that person’s hand in their own.

People came to these forums because they heard the coffee was good. Because the selection of microbrews on tap was better than any place around. Because the setting was idyllic but not perfect. In fact, the chairs squeaked quite a bit, and some of the ones that had been painted were beginning to chip. The floor creaked in places, and the room didn’t have any of those overstuffed, sink-right-in chairs that fancier coffee shops were proud to offer. But the lighting (oh the lighting!) was elegant, was home-y, was just right. And the photos, the paintings on the walls – each had the power to speak clearly to anyone who bothered to look.

The wraparound porch out front faced East, which the morning customers loved. That’s why we decided to open at 6am. It was never my idea, but I eventually gave in – it was true, the view was better than sleep. Of course, “opening” at 6am didn’t look much like other restaurants; only coffee & oj were available that early. Breakfast wasn’t served until 7am. But even that was worth the wait, thanks to my brother-in-law whose organic breakfasts had first caused the editor of the local paper to come running, granting us a glowing review even before his plate was finished.

But the west? The view to the west was my favorite. We didn’t have a wrap around porch on that side, but we did have a little walkout, and a staircase that let out onto a large brick patio, adorned with a halo of colored lanterns on a string, draped from tree to tree to tree. We often hosted parties here for friends, or for friends’ friends. And when people weren’t around, Jon & I would sit on the patio and roast marshmallows over the fire in the little pit he had given me for my 27th birthday. Then we’d lay on our backs and look up at the sky, and imagine that it could swallow us whole if it wanted, or that we could reach up and grab a star out of the sky – I guess it depended on our mood.

But some of the best times we had there were at the forums. That’s when we all felt most alive, most like the world was going to change, and we were going to a be a part of it.

again

i’m writing twice in one day because i just read something from my friend janelle’s blog that gave me some peace & encouragement this evening.

On August 1st, my grandma died. My mom called me at 8 am to give me the news. Eric was in surgery all day, so I cried alone. I tried to do my ‘normal’ daily routine, but I would just start crying. I sat on my yoga mat ready for an exhilerating vinyasa flow and I couldn’t move. In it, there was this sense of freedom, like I finally had an excuse to weep. The loneliness felt like the giant fog that oppresses San Francisco each evening. (A little dramatic, but that’s what I felt.)

Eric and I will be in Beloit Monday through Wednesday for the funeral.

Anyways, I truly love Oakland. It’s such a dynamic, urban, and real city. We have so many cool things around us that there is always something to do. Our neighborhood is filled with young families, craftsman homes, and funky shopping streets. I’ve found a few favorite cafes and can bike or walk easily just about anywhere. I do yoga, clean the apartment, organize our finances, and watch a little too much Will & Grace.

I am attending an orientation next week to volunteer at a soup kitchen. I also applied for an organization called Court Appointed Special Advocate. You basically are assigned a child in foster care and while creating a friendship with them, you are their appointed mentor for all their court appearances. Essentially you are working with the social workers to help get the child in a permanent home. There are 40 hours of training and they ask for an 18 month commitment. It’s intense, but I think I am ready to embark on something like this. Oh, and I joined with a temp agency. I have a three day job next week as a receptionist for an engineering company (yawn).

Eric’s doing really well, just tired. He is learning so much at Highland, it’s incredible. (Like, remembering to remove the grill off of the patient before you insert an oxygen tube.) It’s very wonderful for a wife to see her husband doing something he loves. He is so wonderfully intentional with our time. He is rarely around, but when he is, he’s all there.

We don’t have a church. I thought it would be easy. Like I would just stroll into a place and God would ‘reveal’ if I was in the right place. Getting aside my American consumerist church-shopping mentality, I want to be somewhere to be useful. It’s like the squeaky-clean, ultra-organized churches are easy to find. But I want something a little messier.

So there’s the scoop. I could write much longer, but Will & Grace is on and I’ve never seen this episode. Have a happy Sunday and be GLAD, that you are a part of something.

i love the life she’s pursuing. she’s reminded me to think about the things i love right now. like david crowder’s album, sunsets & sushi, the gospel of luke, my newly cleaned bathroom, our beautiful garden that jon has tended to so well, the recent thunderstorms that have brought life back into our hydrangea bushes & magnolia tree, the way jenna & emily laugh at my hopes for them when they’re old, & just the thought of maybe someday attending regent college. i want to pick up the last few chapters of eugene peterson’s “christ plays in ten thousand places” again, i want to finish the “tangible kingdom,” and i want to buy new stationary to write letters & maybe even get a magazine subscription to cooking light (if i find it for $12 or less). i want to give my second-hand-only clothes-shopping goal a real shot at making it.

thanks, janelle. i needed to hear from you.